My youngest sister turned 32 on Saturday. Much like the last set of birthdays this marked the 32nd time I've missed it. I've been trying not to dwell on all I have missed, and continue to miss, since there is nothing to be done about the past. It works for a while, then hits me out of nowhere. I suppose that is an improvement of sorts but it doesn't feel that way when it hits me unexpectedly.
On Saturday night we went to my wife's mother's house for dinner and such. I was having a pretty good day for me, especially considering it was my sister's birthday. Most of my wife's siblings were there so I got to see a little bit of what might have been for me. It got me wondering if I will ever have that sort of relationship with my siblings. They have been nothing but accepting of me and the things we have in common are almost spooky. However, we lack that shared experience my wife and her siblings have. As much as people like to say it there is no making up for lost time, only making the best of the time one has.
So, the little black monster that rears its head all too often decided to hit me again just as we were leaving. My wife noticed my mood had shifted suddenly and asked me what was wrong. My response was "the same thing that is always wrong". She said "But you were fine inside". Yes, I was and now I'm not. It happens without warning.
Adoption, the gift that keeps on giving...
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